Being a mum , I discovered just how much was sacrificed for me. We all live and breathe every tiny hiccup for the baby we make. Nothing is as important as their very . ..
Not understood till we get there ourselves
After 35 years of dispensing health care and advice, I now understand that I do it all through my mother’s heart. As a mother I . . . bring my needs and hopes and aspirations into all my tending those who wish to make their own babies, or who are struggling with some parenting issues. We all tend, care for and empathise with. Some more than others.
My own personal mother’s heart was stimulated when I got a puppy at age 19. He became an extension of myself, raised with positive reinforcement and only acknowledged when he did what I wanted. He grew to be a very amazing animal, who just knew what to do, before being prompted. I thought at that tender age that that was the best training I could have had to be a mum.
Not that I was ever to be one, as I never wanted to inflict on another what my mother had unwittingly done to me. She did her best –we all do . . .
Maybe we are always to be doing what we are . .and when we try so very hard to fight it – life just gets more tricky at ensuring we still get to experience what it is that we need . Along came my first contraceptive error – there IS no such thing as a ‘safe’ time in the cycle . . when someone is coming, they arrive as best they can in whatever window that appears . . in this case a day 25 conception after a definite ovulation on day 14 in a very regular cycle. No such thing as a ‘fertile’ time – there are fertile couples . .
Eventually another son followed – after the life diversion of my studying to become a healer 6 weeks after becoming a mum. This was after becoming a problem solving natural therapist who things through things very differently than what we had been taught – I then designed and delivered acupuncture courses – arrived son two. Then daughter – massively brain injured – I know now – a simple case of not knowing how to nourish myself and my baby – and a life crossroads, and a health disaster that spun decades whilst I attempted – as we all do – to correct living in this century and with the fads we all believe will assist us.
Son four arrived again, in contraceptive haze – so at 39 I found myself as a single mother . .