Especially ‘dissing’ those who with more education being the worst offenders – supposedly making the world an unsafe place for the kids who are vaccinated – where is the logic here?
If we are worried about the babies – why are we not ensuring that they are grown as well as possible – and not scanned – as it is not safe – and are hassled out of mums early – possibly because they are not growing well?
Where are the great dietary models and Magnesium and other crucial nutrients pushed to insure the baby is perfectly made – and then we may ask why are there vaccinations like the totally unnecessary at that age (who is going to have unsafe sex or use contaminated needles on baby?)
Hep B injected – to corrupt an immune system which is not yet turned on – as it does not need to be as mum is to be the bridge out to the world?
Questions that a thinking parent may just ask.
It has taken a lot for me to pop up and say my piece – as I know what happens when anyone does around this hallowed topic. Vaccination saves lives. What do we do when it wrecks them though?
Do we pretend that the parent is misguided?
Had I known what would happen to Kathryn there is no way I would have let her have the MMR – as even if she had all those at once – Vit C frequently, and clever use of homeopathics, lavendar oil in the bath and possibly Chinese herbs and acupuncture would have nailed it – and would not have left her in the mess the vaccine did – forever. After all I had all those childhood illnesses – and it just meant time off school and being left in a darkened room (rubella), being bored witless and getting better in time.
We live in First World conditions – s0 surely we can weather these things as opposed to having the epidemic of peanut survival issues and autism and neurological and immunological tragedies befall our previously well children.
Perhaps some consideration for what nature would be doing to assist – instead of throwing poisons into a newborn’s blood stream.
Placental transmission. Vaginal preparation for the outside world. Colostrum to get the gut in action. Breast milk – preferably for at least 4 months with no other food substances and preferably for at least the 2 years as suggested by the WHO. Why? Natural immunity.
Research this yourself – it is a well known fact that breast milk is immunologically crucial for babies. If there is such worry about the possibility of babies getting disease – keeping them with mum, who is exclusively breastfeeding after a natural vaginal birth is safest.
Why is this not out there? There are some groups of mothers who are trying to let others know so what happened to their child may not happen to them. Perhaps start here and watch what one doctor discovered when she found herself out on a limb when asking why she had to vaccinate her terminally ill renal patients – their immune systems were alreally in strife . ..
Inconvenient though it is – for him. Parents of damaged children at least had answers. Solutions are often as easy as withdrawing what is making it worse – and alleviating what is possible – not just giving up when it is too hard for the standard medical people.
The message of this site – never stop looking for answers – ask questions.
Wait for answers. There are no RCT to prove that vaccination is safe. Hence wait till child is old enough and then judiciously apply what you can to be safe in your eyes – as you are the one to wear the consequences. It is all a bit like arguing that the earth is flat – if we all sit about in fear that we might fall off – it is to us. If we on the other hand, go searching, we may well find more.
You decide where and how to please . . .
We can all drop wining and just be – at least for one minute in every day . . .
Here is the text of an email that was going around recently:
What would you do?….you make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line, there isn’t one. Read it anyway.
My question is: Would you have made the same choice?
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its Dedicated staff, he offered a question:
‘When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.’
Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
Where is the natural order of things in my son?’
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. ‘I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.’
Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, ‘Do you think they’ll let me play?’
I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father Ialso understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, ‘We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.’
Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again.
Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.
However, as Shay stepped up to the plate,
The pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.
The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.
As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.
Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, ‘Shay, run to first!
Run to first!’
Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.
He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, ‘Run to second, run to second!’
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.
By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.
He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head.
Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, ‘Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay’
Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, ‘Run to third!
Shay, run to third!’
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, ‘Shay, run home! Run home!’
Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team
‘That day’, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, ‘the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world’.
Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:
We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.
The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.
If you’re thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you’re probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren’t the ‘appropriate’ ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.
We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the ‘natural order of things.’
So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:
Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?
A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it’s least fortunate amongst them.
You now have two choices:
May your day, be a Shay Day.
What is so dreadful about having a massively brain injured daughter?
Seeing her as such, rather than as the whole spirit, who has come here to grow, to teach through example, and through the richness of experience that would have otherwise passed me by.
What is so terrible about being in the spot you personally currently wish you weren’t in?
Seeing it as awful, dreadful, and languishing in the experience, rather than looking at it from a different angle, and cleaning out all those corners that you have hidden from yourself. Even if they are not the ‘right’ ones to sort out the current situation, they won’t be there to be triggered into action another day, by another incident.
Gathering together people with like belief systems to shore up your position is not likely to do more than make you feel more vindicated in where you stand, and less able to move out of where it is that you are stuck in.
Having Skye in my life touched all those who experienced us. Hopefully if for no other reason, than a guilty gratitude that it was me walking this path, and not them. Little did anyone know, that it was me that felt so very grateful, that I had been given the opportunity to see past ‘normal’, and out beyond.
At some point into the ‘rescue’ mission, I realised that my original timespan of three years was not going to be met. Not ‘normal’ in three years. The dawning of the realisation that possibly never ‘normal’. The final acceptance of her perfection, as my perfect daughter. Not like anyone else’s, as I was not anyone else. I was living a different life, not always necessarily pleasant or calm for my personality and earthly desires.
Skye often went on what I called her ‘integrative holidays from life”. Meaning – she is taking time out to decide whether to keep on going, or to opt out. Usually she did this in a dramatic way. Stopping eating altogether. Radically ill. On a drip in hospital. Coasting in neutral gear, hibernation mode – very difficult to observe, as her mother holding a desired outcome of well and “normal”.
After each of these, she changed. Physically, as a naturopath I could watch her changes in a detached diagnostic manner. Her irises gradually went from black, through very, very dark brown, to where I could finally see the immense number of nerve rings. The naturopathic concepts of going back through ‘disease’ seemed to be so if we looked at the progression in her eyes. She gradually became less autistic. Very slowly.
Her Mother’s Story
I started giving her on powdered Chinese herbs in adult quantities., three times daily, mixed with ripe banana for palatability. She had to have this to eat. Thankfully she was obsessed with eating. The previous dance of attempting to align normal body functions became less intense as they worked their magic. There became a very gradual “un-misting of her consciousness”. Slowly a spark of possibly someone present looking out through her eyes. The dawning of more than blankness in her expression. An awakening. An occasional reprieve from the chaos and the horror of the unusual that had re-framed our new parameters of ‘normal’, in living with her.
I learnt to watch her suffering, her misery, her frustration, her anger, her terror, her withdrawal, and her incredibly tentative glimpses of reaching out, of opening her barriers, her attempts enough to try again – at her speed. It was her journey. Her path.
I had no idea what it was that she had to shift through, before she could get to where everyone else took as a right, as a part of being human. I did find that I could guide, I could support, but that I could not force the process. Where I wanted her to go, what I wanted her to be was not necessarily where she WAS to be.
I could then draw a parallel in my old life (at that point there I was early thirties) as a teacher and practitioner of acupuncture. As I had learnt through my life to date, the easiest path is often the one that looked the hardest. That which I resisted the most usually ended up being the answer to many apparent problems. That by stopping and seeing that which I would expend the greatest amount of energy avoiding, was often the short cut. If I just had the wit to see.
In this present life, when people walk in my door wanting me to rid them of some pesky problem, to ‘fix’ something that feels uncomfortable, I often wonder if they really know just what it is that they may also move, if they allow themselves the space, like I learnt to with my daugher.
To see that more is often achieved by allowing the dis-ease, the discomfort and the pain attached to a belief system, to remain – to change the focus and instead – to let go of the belief system. To work on the ‘self’ that allows the ‘problem’ to be there, rather than be forever distracted by the results of self eating, drinking, being who self thinks self is.
To complete the picture, to acknowledge the energy giving the structure resonance. As in the case of the dying baby – when a change was effected in one area, a whole shift in the fabric of all levels of existence. Consequential to the release of a blockage, all could move on. Battle ended by appropriate action.
In Skye’s case, the constant battle to Not Be. (here), needing to be addressed, more than the ways she creatively manifested to exist
1) – I came to allow and accept the incredible shifts that needed to happen in order for me to go on to the next step. I learnt that everything we do as therapists is band-aiding. Regardless of the apparent causes on this plane, the real reason, acceptance and the understanding, seem to have to come through our time experiencing the fires of life.
2) – The degree of suffering is evidenced by the amount of resistance we put up in not discarding that which no longer serves us. To be able to cast aside the past, and those conditions and beliefs that hold that past to us, allows us to devise a different set of ‘rules’ in the game of life, to match the present we are in, if we can only be there.
3) – I learnt that this play, the game we see as life can be vastly altered backstage. In me changing who and what I was, my daughter was granted the space to reassess. Just as the dying baby’s script was altered when her parents had the courage to confront their worst fears. Just as the young man who had, until I offered an alternative, thought of himself as ALWAYS AND FOREVER a paraplegic.
4) – Skye showed me how to transcend my own handicaps (what I held dear as my belief systems). Her labels (blindness, deafness, cerebral palsy, brain injury, profound intellectual impairment, epilepsy, autism) were matched by my own – pride, ego, independence, lack of faith in universal providence, and a general ignorance in thinking that I was in charge. As I worked through mine, hers moved on.
As I changed and healed, so did she.
Was this a ‘placebo’ effect in some way? Was it that when I saw her differently, that gave her permission to give it a go? At times, it seemed so. Or was it that as she changed, I could? Ultimately who cares? If the desired result is achieved because someone believed it to be so, and it was, is this not then healing? That it is not effected in the orthodox manner is hardly a worry for the recipient.
However, to the observer, ‘unsafe’ may be triggered if the world is not always following ‘the rules’. After all, this is all ‘anecdotal’. Where are the double blind trials? Maybe all a case of misdiagnosis – not really THAT brain injured. Not really cortically blind, and now seeing well enough to pick little bits off the floor. Not really THAT damaged, as how could she now possibly have THAT much function?
Our Personal Journey
Why did the soul who chose to be here in my life, as Skye manifest the experience? Was it to teach me to go beyond what had been my previous limits? Was it to teach me that I, as an ego driven personality was not in charge? Was it to allow me to finally break through a vast array of issues that had held me stagnant in my life? Was it to allow the changes wrought in me to totally alter how I was as a person, a mother, a teacher and a therapist?
It did all of these.
Was it just her story? I have not/can not speak for her father. This definitely shaped the lives of her older brothers. They both had a major role in her growth. Sean, more as a co-worker, part of the therapy team, a stand-in adult. Josh (now Ty) as a brother. The sort who trips you up, hassles you and generally is more real, than those who see you as ‘damaged’. She was his little sister. The only baby he knew. It was often Josh who just knew what it was she was saying, or wanting. Both sons had very enriched lives as a consequence of sharing their childhood’s with her.
Both sons were invaluable for their mother, to keep a sense of perspective.
Through all of the intense life and near death dramas we experienced, I learnt to step back. To be guided not by wanting to rescue, but by acknowledging another’s process. To recognise beyond the apparent, to respect the life force, the currents flowing through the tapestry of what we believe to be our lives, reality more than this ‘here’ and ‘now’.
1) – Having Sean her then 11 year old brother as a live-in helper meant we could always do 4/5 patterning sessions prior to school /work (every morning without fail) and again catch up what had not been done after Keith and Sean returned home (often) occasionally when the volunteers had not totally present.
Sean also was his mother’s saviour as had Skye not slept, he would be woken 5 ish so I could sleep at least 2 hours, before I got up to organise the day. This happened for the first few years as Skye’s behaviour was so disruptive.
2) – Volunteers – who often stayed to do other things than the programme
3) – Judy Gordon and her helpers – who cooked and assisted minding Josh and doing background work whilst I was to-ing and fro-ing from Healesville.
4) – Those who knew me – as a healer – often came in and helped as friends – as they were ‘free’ and could spare a few hours weekly.
5) – Neighbours and those who came from newspaper and supermarket appeals for help.
6) – Those who just found out – or who knew me and came along to assist
7) – Far too numerous people whose names and contributions I have forgotten – who made my journey so much easier
8) – After 3 ½ when Keith left and Robert stepped in – his presence meant I had a back stop – impossible to carry on without him.
9) – After Hinch programme on TV exposure – Joanne was hired and she was invaluable – for years later as a fall back second mother for Kathryn.
10) – Sarah and then her mum
11) – ?Someone whose name is lost in time, with small kids who had Skye over night several times . .
12) – Stephanie and George who stood in as grandparents via the Westcare scheme so I had a break on alternate Saturday afternoons.
13) – Westcare respite system that meant on Tuesday nights I could sleep as Kathryn was there on a regular basis. Also had her there a couple of times for up to a week so I could go and have a break in my life (USA seminar and AIDS/yoga retreat/Soul emotional retreat)
14) – John Hunt who took Kathryn on Sunday mornings a few hours
15) – Kumu and her family – especially picking up some of the parenting of Josh I just could not do – to give him sa break from all this activity.
16) – Really far too many people who have slipped out of my consciousness 23 years later . . for which I am deeply sorry as all made my life easier and thus more able to be there for Kathryn and her brothers.
What I would do differently if I were to do it all over again with what I know in hindsight?
In looking back over this after writing it – it does look like I am beating myself up – so taking the lens of maternal guilt away – these are the things that I could have done better.
I have no idea whether saving Kathryn Skye was what I was ‘supposed’ to do – but in so doing I have changed a vast number of people’s lives and she and her presence has given meaning to far more than I will ever know of.
1) – During pregnancy I would have paid attention to my own incredible ill health. Lack of Iodine, Zinc, Magnesium all played their part in this saga of my not knowing and decades on starting a wish list of what I could have done (in hindsight) so much better ..
The massive upper respiratory infection (toxoplasmotic infection) that was so unlike anything else I had ever had would have been fixed had I been looking after me. I was not. As a ‘good’ mum I was focused on the children. Look after your own mask first they say on planes. . ..
Vitamin C in therapeutic doses – at least 10 grams spread over the day would possibly with the addition of Zinc – as it is so deficient in the soil and Selenium – ditto – and Vit D – and Iodine (I did not know I was so thyroid challenged) would all have meant my immune system would have had some help. Magnesium would have helped all the uterine cramps and insomnia and allowed maternal coping.
Of course had I been happy in my marriage and had we been relating well the underlying inner distress would possibly have meant healing may have been able to happen.
2) – When Skye was vomiting milk from her nose and when she was not well and discharged at 5 days old as a well baby – when she so patently was not – I could have demanded care – but was more interested in getting home to look after the boys better than was happening with me not being there.
As she fell into the huge hole of neurological disintegration I could have demanded care – but my then husband made such a deal of having a paediatrician and his not even thinking the problem was bad enough to even warrant talking with me – let alone seeing her.
Me not just walking into the hospital and demanding care was the major stumbling block. As she became more and more dysfunctional and harder to keep awake (going into a coma) and harder to breastfeed, I just tried harder . .. ..
3) – When she was in intensive care and dying – I could have stopped keeping her here. I saved her from dying actually many times. That would have been easier and for her – ???who knows – better???
4) – Starting a not good enough neurological rehabilitation programme and not being satisfied, I could have possibly searched harder to find more on what else – as the year lost whilst we did some and not all of the programme was a waste . . . time spent investigating what mainstream could offer was another waste of Skye’s developmental stages.
5) – When I found Kenja – I could have gone against everything Keith wanted and gone to Sydney to do the course as Skye was the most present ever when they worked with her.
6) – Finding Reiki was a Godsend – and possibly I could have found them earlier? Also it would have been far more useful had I been attuned to Reiki when pregnant or at any time prior to her birth – as I could have had the tools – my own healing hands – in all the time she was screaming and I was holding her.
7) – Not getting involved with parent support group politics, Far more egos involved there and not nearly enough thoughtful questioning and therapeutic intention.
8) – Getting Keith to leave earlier . . . It meant I was finally actually doing what I had been – doing it all myself – but without the brake – as he was so very good at passively obstructing the process.
9) – Not getting her vaccinated for MMR. A parent’s dilemma. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d40suCKnjbI http://vaccinationdilemma.com/ This was the beginning of a huge period of trying to save her and maternal exhaustion as I battled to keep her alive and sane for over a year. She was never as good as she had been prior to the vaccination.
10) – Finding Melatonin – I would have had a far easier life had someone suggested that as a highly autistic person she had wonky brain chemistry – her inability to sleep was devastating to both of us. I did not get her started on this till she was 19 years old. . . an incredible journey of maternal devotion . . . and then picked up and followed on by Patricia. Kathryn’s sleeping then meant she was far calmer in the day and a little more likely to pay attention and not go into self harm and abject distress.
11) – Only being one woman, replete in inner resources, but few outer ones. I did all as I could as quickly and as courageously as I could.
Wearing out is what all humans do at some point. The fact that when accidentally pregnant at the end of a relationship and having a child who looked like being about to die – as she was at 7 1/ years old – meant that the ensuing unwanted pregnancy and much loved baby took over and Kathryn was let behind to apparently fend for herself in another chapter of this mother’s journey.